If I Should Die Before I Wake
by DreamsComeFromtheHeart
Summary: AU. Wang Yao is finding life at Hetalia Academy not so easy. A bombing of the school leaves Yao in a coma only to wake up and find his friends are countries... and he thought coming to terms with his sexuality was tough... Multiple pairings, warnings inside.
1. Chapter 1

**If I Should Die Before I Wake**

A/N: Another plot bunny... they multiply like real bunnies! D:

Special thanks to AlwaysTomorrow... I guess :P

Disclaimer: I don't Hetalia, dangit -_-'

Warning: homosexual relationships, violence, all that jazz.

* * *

><p>Wang Yao stared at the majestic white building in awe. Never had he been out of his home country, China, much less the capital of the United States. And yet here he was, staring at one of the monuments that was so prized by the silly Americans.<p>

Chocolate brown eyes widened as he looked at the neatly kept lawns, the pathways, the fountain, and the pure white building itself. They squeezed shut in pain, however, when a blob of blonde smashed right into him, sending the Chinese male onto the pavement below with a thunk.

"Ow... that hurt, aru..." he murmured, reaching up to rub his head with a tanned hand. Chocolate brown hair spilled out of its ponytail and onto slightly masculine shoulders.

"Oh, man! I'm like, totally sorry dude!" the blob, now revealed to be a rather handsome male, stood up and offered a hand to Yao. "I didn't see you there!"

"It's quite alright-" the shorter man started before shouts of "Alfred!" were heard in the distance.

"Oh man, I really gotta go!" the boy, supposedly called Alfred, wailed before taking off down the street. A few seconds later, hoardes of men clothed in black ran down the sidewalk after him. What Yao wondered was how they seemed to not break a sweat even though the sun was beating down rather heavily.

"White people; sheesh," he muttered before continuing down the street. The map he had aquired with his acceptance letter told him this was the way towards Hetalia Academy; he could only hope so and pray not to get lost in the streets of DC. They weren't like the streets in China he was so familiar with- every weekend, he used to wander those roads with his panda in tow before going home to cook in his favorite wok.

"Thank goodness," he sighed in relief when the school came into sight. It was slightly less grand than the White House- but still looked fancy enough to appease a few royals.

Then it hit him- he was attending school with royals.

Sighing, he climbed the innumerable steps and entered the enormous school to find the inside was well lit and cool- also, there were a swarm of students heading in one direction, ensuring that the young Chinese would not get lost and panic on his first day of school.

Once he found the destination to be an auditorium, he squeezed himself inside and sat upon one the plush velvety seats. It was quite comfortable, he decided. There was plenty of room for him to sit crosslegged if he so wished.

"Excuse me... is anyone sitting here?" Yao turned to see an obviously asian man point to one of the seats beside him. He quickly shook his head and turned towards the front, his cheeks burning a little. The man was quite handsome. "I am Honda Kiku," the asian man continued. "I am one of the five admitted from Japan. What is your name?"

"I am Wang Yao, and as far as I know I'm the only one from China, aru," he replied, shaking the man's hand. It left a tingle when he pulled away.

"I see. That is very interesting. I like seeing all the different cultures gathered together," Kiku continued in a heavy accent.

"Ya dude, she totally said to call her later- well if it isn't what's-his-face!" the blonde from earlier stopped in his tracks upon seeing Yao. Hoardes of Americans were behind him, jeering and punching eachother's arms as they shared stories of hook ups and whatnot. "You guys go on ahead, I'm going to sit beside my buddy here!"

"This your new girlfriend, Alfred? He's pretty enough to be," one of the boys jeered. The others 'oohed' and clapped his back, obviously proud of the 'insult' he dealt.

"Come on guys, he's no girl! Just go on, okay?" Once they left, the blonde man let out a breath of relief and shook his head. "Those guys are just plain rude sometimes... Anyways, I'm Alfred F. Jones, the President's son and one of the crapload of Americans admitted! What's your name, dude?"

"I- I am Wang Yao," the Chinese stuttered, accepting the hand offered. "I'm from China. This is Honda Kiku, he's from Japan, aru."

"Nice ta meet both of ya!" Alfred said cheerfully as he plopped down on the other side of Yao. "This place is rockin' dude! I can't wait for the start of the semester, their hamburgers are supposed to be _awesome-"_

"Excuse me, git! Will you shut up? The man on the podium is speaking!" the blonde to the other side of Alfred hissed, his british accent coming through loud and clear. Sure enough, there was a man walking up to the stand.

"Brits," Alfred snorted. Before the other blonde could reply, the man on the podium had started his speech.

After awhile, the Chinese man lost focus. He was really tired, maybe a catnap wouldn't hurt-

"Dude! Yao, you just drooled on me!" Alfred cried. "This is my favorite jacket, too!"

As Yao jolted awake, the whole auditorium turned towards them. Seeing what the problem was, Yao blushed and mumbled an apology. Great! He was already known as the drooler!

What a terrible start at Hetalia Academy...

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><p>This story is going places, I promise. I just had to get this chapter out. Please click that 'review' button down there to tell me what you think! :3<p> 


	2. Chapter 2

**If I Should Die Before I Wake**

A/N: I'm getting a lot of lovin' for this story already X3

Special thanks to AlwaysTomorrow... I guess :P

_Review Replies-_

_AlwaysTomorrow: _I. Hate. You. XD

_Dark Blue Fire: _I'm glad I could be of service X3 It just popped up out of nowhere!

Disclaimer: I don't Hetalia, dangit -_-'

Warning: homosexual relationships, violence, all that jazz.

* * *

><p>After the embarassing drooling incident, the start-of-school assembly went rather smoothly. Yao payed full attention to the motonous speech this time, afraid of falling asleep again.<p>

As the Principal of the school made his closing remarks, the students filed out of the auditorium and into the Main Hall for room assignments and schedules. The Chinese man was sandwiched between his quiet Japanese friend and chatty American friend, paying half attention to what Alfred was saying.

"And dude, he comes up to me and he says 'Are you talking to me?' and I says 'Maybe I am.' So he pushes me and I _totally _knock his lights out! You should have been there, Y. It was awesome."

"Did you just call me Y?"

"Well, yeah. If we're going to be friends, then we have to have epic nicknames. Kiku is K-Honda, 'cause it's an awesome name for an awesome japanese-"

"Al, you're starting to sound like Gil," a quiet voice interupted. Yao whirled around in shock to find a male startlingly similar in appearance to Alfred, except with a ridiculously cute curl hanging stubbornly from his hair.

"I do not sound like that douche, Mattie," Alfred pouted. "Gilbert wishes he was as amazing as me!"

"Who's Gilbert, aru?" Yao asked.

"A kid from East Germany. He constantly tries to defile Mattie, my twin brother," the American mumbled.

Matthew rolled his eyes and offered a delicate hand to Yao then Kiku. "Hello, I'm Matthew Williams, Alfred's twin brother. I know, we have different last names. This is because I had my name changed when I was little and went to live with our Aunt in Canada."

"He just didn't want to live in the President's shadow; I don't see why, 'cause it's really great to get to go to all those parties and meet celebrities and stuff-"

"Al here begged me to apply here so he could see me again, not taking into account the monthly visits he so gladly makes to Canada. So here I am, with my obnoxious twin brother." Matthew seemed to be insulting his brother, but said it all with smile making it a moot point. "Gilbert is my boyfriend, and yes he really is from East Germany."

"Wow," Yao breathed. "That's um, quite interesting, aru."

"Speak of the devil," Alfred mumbled suddenly. "And he shall appear."

"Birdie!" An obnoxiously loud voice boomed across the hall. "We're roommates!"

"Really Gil, that's great!" the Canadian turned and indulged the albino in a quick peck.

"Yao-san, we are roommates as well," Kiku murmured.

"Kiku? When did you leave, aru?" the Chinese man asked in surprise.

"Awhile ago, I do believe."

"Hey, you," Gilbert said, pointing at Yao. "Has anybody told you how much you look like a girl? Your stance, your face, your hair, your clothes- everything."

"Gilbert," Matthew admonished softly. "Not nice."

"No, it's fine. I get that all the time, aru," the feminine-looking male said softly, self-conciously hooking his hair behind his ear. His looks have always been a problem, especially when his sexual orientation came into play...

* * *

><p><span>Flashback<span>

_Yao was twelve, sitting on the steps of his modest home in Beijing._

_"So, Mr. Panda, what do you wanna do today, aru?" he asked cheerfully. "We could go to the park, or we could just talk, aru."_

_The panda blinked once before climbing into his owner's lap, making his intent clear: he wanted to be lazy._

_"Okay, so, I have a big secret to tell you, but you can't tell anyone, aru. You promise?" When the animal nuzzled against his neck, he continued on. "I think... I find that big Russian guy that just moved here cute, aru. He's really cute, Mr. Panda! I think I'm in love," Yao said dreamily before his eyes popped open wide. "But that would mean... I like boys? But aren't I supposed to like girls...? I'm so confused, aru..."_

_"Hey, Ladyface!" None other than Ivan Braginski and his cronies showed up at Yao's doorstep._

_"Oh, hello Ivan! How are you today, aru?" he asked brightly, his cheeks pink and eyes wide._

_"My day just got a lot better, da. I just heard someone's little secret..."_

_"Really? Who's?"_

_"Well, I'll give you a few hints. He looks like a girl and his name starts with Y."_

_Yao closed his eyes in horror. "What did you hear?"_

_Ivan smiled maliciously. "Oh, just a few things... like how much you like me, da. And how you're a queer."_

_"We don't take kindly to gays," one of his lackeys sneered. "They're nothing but filthy insects crawling on an immaculate floor. In short, they must be eradicated."_

_"No," the Chinese boy begged. "Leave me alone, aru! I did nothing to you!"_

_"You make me sick," Ivan snarled. _

_"I want to throw up just looking at you."_

_"You're a peice of filth."_

_"You don't deserve to live."_

_"Disgusting."_

_"Hideous."_

_"Worthless."_

_As they descended upon him, Mr. Panda stood in the way, trying desperately to protect his owner. The bullies simply pushed him out of the way and swarmed around Yao, beating every inch of him he could._

_It was his own personal hell._

* * *

><p>"Y? Dude, are you okay? Speak to me!"<p>

"Yao-san, snap out of it..."

"Yao? Come on, you're fine, you're fine..."

"I'm so sorry! Whatever happened, it was my fault. That was so unawesome of me."

The Chinese male opened his eyes to see he was laying on the ground with four pairs of eyes staring at him with concern. Of course other students had swarmed around them.

"What happened?" he asked, also noticing he was shivering.

"Your eyes went all wide and you passed out, dude. Here, you're cold..." Alfred draped his bomber jacket over Yao's shoulders as Matthew tried unsuccessfully to move the other students away from the small circle.

"Guys, please move... You're suffocating him, so if you could move, that would be great..."

"HEY! LISTEN TO MY BIRDIE AND MOVE IT!" Gilbert shouted. Needless to say, everyone moved rather quickly, except for a select few.

"Gil, what happened?" a blonde man with piercing blue eyes leaned over Yao.

"He passed out. He's fine now, though. I think he just needs rest."

"Okay... can you take care of Feli? I'll take him up to his room."

"Thanks Ludwig," Gilbert muttered before crossing over to a hysterical Italian who looked oddly familiar to Yao.

"Ve, what happened to him!"

"He just had a spell, that's all Feli."

The other German lifted Yao carefully, being mindfull of his lolling head.

"I can walk," he protested weakly. "Who are you, aru?"

"I'm Ludwig Beilschmidt," he replied, setting the Chinese on his feet. "You can walk, huh?" he smirked when the shorter man wobbled violently and scooped him up again.

"Thank you for doing this, Ludwig-san," Kiku said quietly. "If you will follow me, I'm sharing a room with him."

"Okay. Lead the way, then."

Kiku quietly lead the way to their room, where Ludwig set Yao down gently.

"Thank you, aru," he said quietly.

"It's no problem, I'm sure my idiot brother had something to do with it," the German replied while rolling his eyes. "He always screws up in some way..."

"It's fine, he couldn't have known. It just drudged up something in my past, aru..."

"I see..." the blue-eyed man looked uncomfortable.

"I'll take it from here, Ludwig-san. I am Honda Kiku, by the way."

"Alright, Kiku. If you need anything, let Feli or I know. Room 156."

"Thank you for your consideration."

As soon as the door shut, the room was completely silent. After a few moments, Kiku spoke up.

"Would you like to, um... talk about it?"

And so, feeling oddly at ease with his new roommate, Yao told him everything from his first crush to his first rejection and his first beating.

"...Thankfully, a passerby stopped and shooed the boys away. He took pity and called an ambulance for me and Mr. Panda. Panda had a few broken limbs and a smashed nose. I had a concussion, a black eye, and bruising all over my body for weeks. I thank that boy every moment of my life."

Kiku looked thoughtful. "What did this boy look like?"

"A lot like Feli, actually..."

"I see... Well, you need sleep. Rest while I go grab our luggage and schedules, okay?"

"Thanks, Kiku."

"It's no problem, Yao-san."

* * *

><p>Within a few hours, Yao managed to feel almost completely recovered. Alfred stopped by to check up on him("Yo dude, I totally caught you when you fell! You know why? 'CAUSE I'M THE HERO!") as did Matthew("You gave me such a scare, Yao..."), Gilbert("That was so unawesome of me. I'm so sorry."), Ludwig("I just needed to make sure Gil didn't do more harm than good visiting"), and Feliciano("Ve~ you scared me!").<p>

Kiku had just put in an anime about a girl masquerading as a guy to serve in a host club("Kyoya is so much better than Tamaki, Kiku." "Mori is the best, Yao-san.") to ease the tension in the room. Also, the anime was one of his favorites. He couldn't wait to share his country's culture with his new friends.

Yao had made it to the beach episode before dozing off. Unfortunately, he was only able to sleep for a few minutes before the loud American and his roommate(the grouchy Brit from before) bounced in.

"Yo Y! I wanted to introduce you to my new roommate, Arthur Kirkland!"

"A pleasure," Arthur said pompously, offering his hand. Yao rubbed his eyes and took the proffered hand, shaking it weakly. "Alfred tells me you had some complications in your past?"

"Yes," the Chinese male said slowly, shooting daggers at Alfred. The American shrugged as of to say "What can ya do?"

Arthur's voice dropped down to a whisper to try to keep the American out of the business. "I can guess that it was mostly about your sexuality. I want you to know, I've been there. I know what it's like. If you ever need an open ear, I'm here." he raised his voice again. "I guess we should leave now, Alfred STILL hasn't organized his stuff-"

"Aww, come on Artie!"

"Stop calling me that!"

The pair walked down the hallway, bickering all the way. As soon as they were gone, Kiku shook his head. "Building sexual tension already..."

As Yao snickered, he realized his chest felt much better. Where there was a weight pressing down on his chest before was now as light as air.

Maybe he'd write to Mr. Panda later about his new friend.

* * *

><p>The first real day of school was simultaneously tough and easy.<p>

Luckily, Yao had most of his classes with his roommate, making him more comfortable with the staring and the looks.

That didn't mean he didn't like it.

In his last class of the day, the Chinese male felt a little relaxed as he sat down beside Matthew. His classes were easy, and he had at least one friend in all of his classes. Gilbert had walked across the room to chat with his Spaniard friend Antonio and his boyfriend, who Yao couldn't see from his vantage point.

"There are a lot of people like us in this school," Yao whispered.

"Hm? Oh, yeah. They have a zero-tolerance policy here, allowing us to express who we are without feeling ostricized."

"That's nice."

"Yes."

The two sat in comfortable silence for awhile, until someone walked in just after the bell rang.

When Yao caught a glimpse of violet eyes, he froze.

"Yao? Are you okay?" Matthew asked. His voice sounded oddly distant.

"It's... him..." he said in a terrified whisper before looking around for a teacher. The teacher had not walked in yet, to his dismay.

"Who?"

"Well if it isn't my little queerbag," the student ambled over with a wicked smirk. "I thought you had killed yourself by now!"

"Please... please, Ivan..."

"Please what, da? Give it to you? Sorry, I don't like boys," Ivan scoffed.

"Leave. Him. Alone," a new voice growled. Yao snapped his chocolate orbs open at the familiar accent and looked to see a boy strikingly similar to Feliciano standing protectively in front of him.

"You're..." Yao breathed, unable to get the rest of the sentence out.

"He's who?" Matthew asked, now thoroughly confused. He went unnoticed.

"Oh, I remember you too. That's your boyfriend over there, da? No wonder you defended this fag."

"That's enough," Antonio bit out, standing beside his boyfriend. "Don't you _dare _speak to my Lovi or his friends like that."

"It'll only end badly for you," Gilbert continued, standing in front of Matthew. "I suggest you walk away right now before I smash your face in."

"...You win this one, da," the Russian said bitterly once he realized he couldn't win. "Next time, I won't hesitate," he hissed to Yao.

"Yeah, walk away Russian bastard," the Italian smirked as he complied. "I didn't need your help Tomato Bastard, nor yours, Potato Bastard."

"Sure, Lovi, Sure~" Antonio crooned. "You're so cute~!"

"You're the one... from all those years ago..." Yao whispered in wonder.

"Of course I am," came the disgruntled reply. "Who else would I be, idiot?"

"I... I... thank you," the Chinese replied, at a loss for words.

"Just remember next time I might not be there to back you up," a blushing Lovino replied as the teacher, Mr. Zwingli, finally walked into the classroom. "Watch yourself, okay?"

As the Swiss man began his lesson, Yao wondered how so much of his past could show up in one building.

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><p>Please click that 'review' button down there to tell me what you think! :3<p> 


	3. Chapter 3

**If I Should Die Before I Wake**

A/N: I think this chapter will be the Christmas Special. Because nothing brings out happiness more than Christmas :D

Special thanks to AlwaysTomorrow... I guess :P and a very special thank you to Hoshiko Izumi Okiterasu :3

_Review Replies-_

_Dark Blue Fire: _Thank you! :3

_Chipii: _Thank you, thank you. I PM-ed you the couples, of course, and like I said, they're all just good friends. :3

_AlwaysTomorrow: _No, I'm not writing smut. I hate-a you sooooo much-a...

Disclaimer: I don't Hetalia, dangit -_-'

Warning: homosexual relationships, violence, all that jazz.

* * *

><p>Yao began to fall into a routine at school; walk with Kiku to first, third, fourth, and sixth period, chat with Alfred on the way to second period, and talk with Lovino and Antonio while walking to seventh period. All Ivan seemed to do anymore was glare anymore.<p>

One day, a week before Halloween, Alfred burst into their dorm while Yao was doing homework and Kiku was writing fanfiction for his favorite current anime, Aishiteruze Baby.

"Hey dudes! So you know that party that the school is hosting for Halloween?" him being Alfred, he didn't give them time to respond. "Well, Mattie and Gil are hosting a party in their room! It's just for our group, no Ivan, no anyone! You in?"

"I don't know, Alfred," Yao looked up from his homework for a second.

"I don't like crowded spaces," Kiku murmured.

"I should stay with Kiku so he isn't lonely, aru."

OOO

Yao and Kiku found themselves in costumes a week later. Yao had, of course, dressed up as Hello Kitty while Kiku went as Mori from one of his favorite animes.

"It's not too late to drop out, aru," the young Chinese mumbled.

"No, we promised Alfred-san," the Japanese sighed in turn as they walked down the hall towards the music drifting from the direction of Matthew and Gilbert's room.

"Hey guys!" Gilbert, dressed in a black cloak with fangs, opened the door to show people chatting behind him with cups in hand. "Come on in, the party's just getting started!"

"Who are you supposed to be Gilbert, aru?" Yao asked with his eyebrows raised.

"An awesome vampire, duh," he grabbed Matt(dressed as a big maple leaf) around the waist and nuzzled his neck. "I've come to suck your blood, bleh!"

As Gil was busy with Matthew's neck, the two asians tip toed away towards Alfred and Arthur, who was bickering, as usual. Only now Alfred was dressed as a thug while Arthur was a magician.

"But Artie-"

"What have I said about calling me that!"

"Oh, hey Yao and Kiku!" Alfred ignored Arthur completely.

"Hello, Yao. Kiku," Arthur quickly regained his composure and looked them over. "You two look nice."

"Thank you, Arthur," Yao smiled.

"Thank you Arthur-san, we must go now," Kiku said with a mischevious glint in his eye while dragging his Chinese friend away.

"Kiku, what was that about, aru?"

"Don't you see Yao-chan, they're building sexual tension! Hopefully by Christmas they'll have released all of it and I'll have the perfect plot for my new fanfict- I mean, I'll be happy to see the two finally together... yeah..."

"Oh Kiku," Yao sighed. "You're really something else, aru... an otaku, I think they call it?"

The Japanese simply smiled and pulled his roommate towards Feliciano(dressed as a kitty) and Ludwig(dressed in a WWII uniform). "Hello Ludwig-san, Feli-kun. Are you enjoying the party?"

"Ve~ it's really fun! Gil and Al really know how to throw a party!"

"Feli," Ludwig sighed. "Matthew helped plan this, not Alfred."

"...Oh... Anyways, the music's good, I'm surrounded by my best friends, and they even laid out pasta especially for me! Life is wonderful, ve!" Feliciano proceeded to hug a flustered German, who spluttered and blushed while trying to push him off.

"We should go get a drink, Yao-chan," Kiku hinted, grinning slightly.

"Right, aru," the Chinese stifled a snicker and waved to the two still wrestling. "See you guys later, aru!"

"I can feel everyone falling in love, Yao-chan. It must feel nice," Kiku commented as they found chairs by the window.

"I can feel it too," Yao sighed. He not only felt other people falling in love; he felt himself growing feelings for his otaku of a roommate. Of course, he'd asked Kiku one time what he had thought of love and the Japanese boy had replied by basically saying love wasn't for him.

"Is this talk of _l'amour _I'm eavesdropping on?" a whimsical voice nearby sighed.

"Hello Francis-san," Kiku bowed respectfully to the Frenchman(dressed as Napoleon) who had just appeared beside Yao.

"Ah, Kiku! And who might this charming young man be?" Francis raised his eyebrows at the Chinese man.

"This is Yao-chan. Yao-chan, this is Francis-san."

"It is nice to meet you, 'Yao-chan,'" the Frenchman winked at the nickname as he shook Yao's hand. "You are very beautiful; just like a porcelian doll."

"Um, thank you, aru," Yao said awkwardly as Francis reached for... intimate places. "What are you doing...?"

"Uh, goodbye Francis-san!" Kiku said hurriedly as he walked his roommate a safe distance away. "Sorry. Francis-san appreciates, er... hands-on beauty."

"He brought up a good point, though," the other said thoughtfully while the door opened. "Why do you call me 'Yao-chan' instead of 'Yao-san' like you used too?"

"I like Yao-chan better," the Japanese said while blushing.

* * *

><p>The next two months of school went by easily; Ivan was not in any other of his classes and Lovino, Antonio, and Gilbert made sure to stay by Yao when he was near.<p>

Yao was just happy to stay in his spacious dorm room doing homework. The walls were the standard white, but the carpet was a plush blue as were the queen sized beds. Two desks with laptops were pushed into two corners of the room and the modest TV was facing the bed. One half of the wall was plastered with anime paraphenelia while the other side had pictures of The young Chinese's family, Hello Kitty, and Mr. Panda. The dresser was huge, enough for the little bag of belongings each both Yao and Kiku had brought. There was a door beside the TV leading to the bathroom the two shared; Kiku was relieved to have his own sense of privacy.

"Hey Y! K-Honda!" Alfred had enetered the room followed by the rest of the gang. Why him and Kiku gave them a key, they'll never know. "We're planning on having a snowball fight out in the courtyard! You wanna come?"

"But there's not enough-" The Chinese looked out the window to see that it had snowed pretty heavily while he was doing homework. Kiku looked up from an anime about DragonBalls to realize the same thing. "Well, I don't know, aru. I still have some homework to do-"

"It's not gonna run away, dude! Come have some fun!" Alfred protested.

"He has a point, Yao," Gilbert piped up. "A snowball fight would be awesome. I'll even let you be on my team!"

"I'll come," Kiku said quietly, pressing the power button on the TV and standing up. "You should come, Yao-chan. It sounds like fun."

"Well- okay, I guess you're right, aru. A little fun won't hurt." he grabbed his fluffy coat and followed everyone out the door.

The huge group walked(well, most of them walked- Alfred and Gilbert raced) out into the courtyard, which looked beautiful in the winter. Snow glittered on the ground and icicles hung from the bare trees.

"I call Team Captain!" the American yelled.

"I call other Team Captain!" the East German retaliated.

"I choose... Matthew!"

"Well I choose Luddy!"

"K-Honda!"

"Feli!"

"Y!"

"Artie!"

"Stop calling me that!" he went unnoticed.

"Tonio!"

"Francis!"

"Lovi!"

Finally, the teams were picked after a fight broke out("You took Mattie, I should at least be able to have Feli's brother! That was so unawesome of you!" "Calm down, dude!"). Kiku and Ludwig broke it up, telling them to take their frustrations out in the snowball fight... oh, and they did alright.

Meanwhile, Ivan was hiding out in the brush, staring at the petite Chinese crouching behind a fort and laughing with that Japanese kid. How dare they flaunt their relationship in his face...

Yao obliviously threw another snowball at Ludwig, snickering as it hit him smack dab in the face. Kiku almost imperceptibly smiled at his Asian friend. He was quite good-looking in the snow...

The Russian decided to pounce at that moment. Who cared if their were tons of others around? They should be warned of what was to come if they didn't shape up and turn straight. With a roar he tackled a startled Yao while the equally surprised Japanese stood frozen. Once Kiku realized what was happening, he aimed a punch at Ivan who blocked with one hand and pushed him back into the snow.

"Not one step closer, or this fag gets it, da," he warned, wrapping his calloused hands around the frightened asian's neck. Kiku clenched and unclenched his fists, unable to do anything. He relaxed upon seeing Alfred creep behind Ivan while Matthew and Arthur ran towards the school.

The American kicked the Russian off Yao, who gratefully breathed in lungfulls of air.

"Commie bastard!" the pair rolled around until the Swiss teacher, Mr. Zwingli, strode outside with a feirce looking Canadian and Brit in tow.

"Mr. Jones, if you will get off Mr. Braginski. He will be dealt with in a more appropriate way." When that didn't work, the Swiss simply pulled the two apart and dragged Ivan to the office. "I suggest you lot get into warm clothes before you catch cold!" he called behind them.

"I'm fine," Yao said immediately afterward to the crowd surrounding him. "Just a little shooken up, that's all."

OOO

Arthur, Alfred, Gilbert, and Matthew laughed mischeiviously as the put a piece of mistletoe in the branch of a bare tree by the frozen lake. "This spot is perfect, remind me to thank the Frog later," Arthur snickered as he stood on the stone bench and attached the leaves. "Alfred, did you tell Kiku and Yao to meet here?"

"Yes, Artie," Alfred smirked while winking at Gilbert and Matthew. As if on cue, Matthew held up the tinsel as the East German forcefully pushed the Brit and American under it. Without warning, Alfred kissed Arthur fully on the mouth while twining an arm around the blushing Brits waist. Slowly, they both pulled away. Arthur quickly(yet not quickly enough) pulled his face into a scowl. "NEVER do that again, idiot!"

"...He liked it," the American whispered conspirationally as Arthur climbed up the tree. Quickly, the other three followed, Gilbert with a camera in hand.

"Pervert!"

"It's just for blackmail!" he insisted. "Shhh!" the East German hissed as they heard two heavily accented voices loom closer.

"Yao-chan, this is the place." Kiku murmured.

"I don't see them anywhere, aru," Yao whispered, looking around while sitting on the bench. The Japanese caught sight of the mistletoe and blushed, wondering if he should move over there with the Chinese.

He shouldn't...

But he _really _wanted too.

So Kiku put all his fears behind and bravely plopped down beside his roommate. "Look up, Yao-chan," he whispered in his asian companion's ear. Slowly, the Chinese eyes looked up to see the mistletoe. Before he realized what was happening, soft lips were pressed to his and two cold yet deliciously warm hands were placed around his waist. The surprised Chinese was understandably tentative at first, but then complied to the other asian's wishes and tangled his fingers in soft, tousled jet-black hair.

A flash from above followed by giggles made the two jump apart, all the while blushing madly. The Asians simultaneously looked up to see four figures jump from the tree. One, who looked suspiciously like the Canadian, placed two mugs of hot chocolate by their sides then hurriedly took off after the other three who were long gone.

Kiku and Yao looked on in shock. "What... just... happened, aru?"

"I... don't know, Yao-chan," the Japanese shrugged and took a sip of the steaming liquid by his side. "I can't decide whether to be angry or grateful."

"Let's decide later, aru," the Chinese murmured in the other's ear. "Now... what were we doing before?"

The two grinned and intertwined once again.

* * *

><p>Gilbert whistled while walking along the snow covered courtyard. He heard a weak chirp beside the tree(incidentally, the same tree that Yao and Kiku had kissed under) and immediately hurried over to the sound. The East German's heart broke as he saw a canary laying under the bench, its wing bent grotesquely. "You're hurt, little guy," he murmured, picking the bird up gingerly and placing it in his coat's pocket.<p>

Gilbert always did have a soft spot for cute things.

He called a taxi and rode towards the nearest pet store, grinning as he remembered similar circumstances under which he met Matthew.

_Gilbert was walking around the park of his hometown whistling. Croons of "It's okay" and "You'll get better soon, promise" brought him to a nearby tree, under which he saw a stranger cradling a little pigeon._

_"What's the matter with it?" he asked without thinking, making the stranger jump._

_"Oh... its wing is broken," the boy replied sadly, holding the little birdie out for the East German to examine. _

_"Well, we'll fix it up! To the nearest pet store!" Gilbert marched off, obviously expecting the blonde boy to follow._

_"What's your name?" the boy asked softly._

_"Gilbert Beilschmidt," the albino announced proudly, all the while thinking of how cute and soft-spoken the boy and the bird was. "And yours?"_

_"...Matthew Williams."_

Yep, Gilbert thought dreamily as he strode into the pet store. That was the life.

"Hello sir, what can I do for you?" the pretty female clerk asked cheerily.

"I found this injured bird and I wanna fix it up and give it to my awesome boyfriend," the albino explained. "Any ideas?"

"Uh... yeah, just come with me," the clerk looked a little put down.

Of course, the albino was unaware.

OOO

Gilbert walked down the hallway towards his dorm, where Matthew was streched across the bed reading. "Oh, hey Gil! Where were you?"

"Picking up a present for you," the East German smiled and showed the Canadian the cage where the bird with the newly wrapped wing chirped happily. "Merry Christmas!"

Matthew, obviously overcome with nonstalgia, smiled. "He's perfect," the blonde remarked, giving his albino a thank-you kiss. "I'll name him Gilbird."

* * *

><p>Please click that 'review' button down there to tell me what you think! :3<p> 


	4. Chapter 4

**If I Should Die Before I Wake**

A/N: We should be getting into the main plot soon X3 Continuation of the Christmas special, whoo!

Special thanks to AlwaysTomorrow... I guess :P and a very special thank you to Hoshiko Izumi Okiterasu :3

_Review Replies-_

_Dark Blue Fire: _Ivan's just confused :I

_Chipii: _Our boys are just supportive of eachother ^J^

_AlwaysTomorrow: ..._-_-'

_ForeverHalfa: _thank you! :D

_Clockeater890: _Thank you, I thought it was cute X3

_LovetheNyah: _I thought Gilbird was cute, and it's a very popular name for Gilbert's bird XD

Disclaimer: I don't Hetalia, dangit -_-'

Warning: homosexual relationships, violence, all that jazz.

* * *

><p>"Merry Christmas!" Alfred yelled as he burst into the sleeping asians' room. "I brought presents!"<p>

Slowly the two stirred, rubbing their eyes and sheilding them against the bright artificial light from the ceiling. Yao opened his eyes first, noticing the big crowd that had gathered into his room. Hastily, he threw the covers over his head. "How dare you guys barge into our room while we're sleeping, aru!"

"Come on Yao-chan, the faster we open presents the faster this is over with," Kiku said resignedly. After a second's hesitation, the Chinese nodded and pulled the covers back, revealing disheveled hair splayed across his shoulders. Shivering, he wrapped the quilt he brought from home tighter around himself.

Presents were passed around the room as the group laughed and thanked and hugged and kissed. Everyone smiled at little Gilbird perched on Matthew's shoulder, his wing still wrapped tightly.

Strangely enough, Kiku didn't exchange gifts with Yao. When the Chinese tried to initiate it, the Japanese instead muttered "Later" then turned towards Arthur to engage him in conversation.

Confused, but not exactly concerned, the petite asian exchanged gifts with Alfred. While the American opened up a box of homemade cookies, the Chinese opened up a video game about owning pets.

"I made sure to get the one with a panda on it," he explained. "Ya know, so you can think about Mr. Panda back in China."

"Thank you Alfred, aru," Yao smiled widely while pulling out his old school gameboy and trading the game out for the one he currently had in(Tetris, Kiku had let him borrow it).

Once the others had left with shouts of "Merry Christmas! See you at dinner!", the Chinese turned to his roommate. "Ready to exhange gifts now?"

"Yes," Kiku smiled slightly before fetching a package from under his bed. Things had been a little awkward since they had kissed under the mistletoe, but the two tried to go on the best they could.

That didn't mean they weren't growing romantic tension, of course.

Needless to say, everytime the long haired asian so much as glanced at his roommate, he felt butterflies.

"Here you go, Yao-chan," Kiku said, handing him the parcel. Yao in return handed him a gift bag.

"On the count of three, aru?"

"One-"

"Two, aru-"

"Three."

Both opened their packages at the same time and were pleased with what they found. "Oh, Lucky Star manga. How'd you know that was the one I wanted to start on next, Yao-chan?"

Yao, however, was speechless as he stared at the object Kiku had given him.

It was beautiful. It was divine. It was amazing. It was perfect.

It was...

A HELLO KITTY PLUSHIE.

"It's so cute..." he whispered in wonder, because as everyone knows, Hello Kitty was Yao's favorite thing in the world. Besides Mr. Panda, of course. "I love it, aru..."

"Uh, Yao-chan?"

"Kiku, you're amazing, aru!" the Chinese looked up with wonder in his eyes. "I- I- how'd you know Hello Kitty was my favorite?"

"Well, you DID dress up as her for Halloween, and you look up pictures online, and you have stickers on your laptop, and I remember you talking about how you couldn't really afford one back in China-"

The Japanese was cut off as Yao hugged him. He tensed a little at the surprise of sudden contact, but then relaxed.

"I- Thank you, aru."

"You're welcome, Yao-chan."

And slowly, ever so slowly, two pairs of eyes met, two faces neared and two pairs of lips touched softly.

"Yo Y, I think I left some- oh."

The two asians hastily jumped apart, their faces flushed. "U- u- um, what did you leave, Alfred-san?" Kiku asked nervously.

"Uh, just... this..." Alfred held up the tin of cookies, a grin spreading across his face. "...See y'all later."

"Oh no, he isn't, aru-"

"MATTIE, GIL, ARTIE! I JUST WALKED IN ON K-HONDA AND Y HARDCORE MAKING OUT!"

"He is," Kiku groaned.

OOO

As the roommates entered the dining room, multiple pairs of eyes were turned on them. Namely, their friends(who were smirking their heads off, it seemed), and a few students who also lodged in that corridor Alfred had frolicked down while singing "Y and K-Honda, sitting in a tree! K- I- S- S- I- N- G! Well, it wasn't a tree it was their bed, but you know what I mean!"

The two sat down across from Antonio and Lovino, who both smirked at eachother knowingly.

"Oi, Potsticker Bastard," Lovino drawled. "You too, Anime Bastard. Did you have a good morning?"

"Lovi and I heard you did~" Antonio trilled. "Ah, young love~"

"Shut up, Tomato Bastard!" the Italian flushed and removed the Spaniard's arm from around his waist. The two asians blushed but said nothing.

"It's okay, I think it's cute~" Antonio sang. "No need to be ashamed!"

"Don't listen to the Tomato Bastard," Lovino rolled his eyes and smirked. "As long as you're not with that Russian Bastard..."

Yao looked everywhere- at Gilbert and Matthew feeding eachother, Arthur and Alfred playfully fighting, Ludwig and Feliciano deep in conversation, Francis intruding on everyone's moments, anywhere but the Spaniard and Italian.

"You guys will come around soon, right Lovi?"

"Stop it Tomato Bastard!" Lovino punched Antonio as he tried to sneak a kiss... again.

* * *

><p>Classes officially started again a few days later.<p>

Yao fell back into a routine- eat breakfast, go to morning classes, eat lunch with Kiku(were they in a relationship now anyways? Geez, he didn't know), go to afternoon classes, do homework, go to his four hour shift in the library(the only way he was able to afford presents for everyone) eat dinner with his friends, and watch anime with his roommate while cuddling Hello Kitty.

"Yao-chan," Kiku asked suddenly one day as they were watching Ouran, "What do you think of us?"

"What do you mean, aru?"

"Are we... you know," the Japanese blushed. "In a relationship?"

"...Do you want to be, aru?"

"Yes, I think I do, Yao-chan."

"Me too," the Chinese smiled. "So yes, I guess we are, aru."

"Alright."

"Okay."

...The two probably needed a little touching up before they went out on a date.

OOO

Down the hall, Arthur and Alfred were lounging around also.

"Hey, Artie?"

"Yes, Al?"

"Don't take this the wrong way, okay? But are you... are you gay?"

"What? Why would you ask that!" the Brit flushed and turned away from his roommate.

"It's nothing to be ashamed of," Alfred insisted. "I'm gay."

"You- you are?" Arthur turned around to face his friend. "For how long?"

"A few years now. I realized when I preferred the company and looks of men over women that there was something wrong with me. My... my parents don't know," the American admitted. "You're my best friend, though. I know you'd accept me for whatever I am, so I thought it was time to tell you."

The Brit stared at Alfred for a few minutes, making him nervous. "If you're uncomfortable with it, I can change rooms. Really. I'm sorry for- oof!" The American found himself engulfed in a hug.

"Silly boy," Arthur murmured. "I'm not uncomfortable in the slightest. Thank you for telling me, really. I appreciate it."

"Oh... no problem Artie. So, are you gay too?"

"I don't know," the Brit admitted. "It's not proper for someone of my blood status to sexually prefer someone of my own gender, I must produce an heir for the chance at the throne. But I find that I don't even _look _at girls that way. And my parents would be so ashamed, but what can I do?" he suddenly exclaimed, tears of frustration leaking from his eyes. This had obviously been an issue for him for awhile. "I can't force myself to love someone I don't, but if I don't I won't be able to take the throne, and all my hard work will have been for naught-"

"Shh, Arthur, shh," Alfred whispered, initiating a hug. "Whatever you are, we can find out together. I can't stand to see you cry."

"Thank you Alfred," the Brit muttered into his chest. "For everything."

"Anything for you," the American whispered too quietly to be heard. "I love you."

OOO

Gilbert and Matthew snuggled on one bed while watching a movie about aliens taking over the world. "Imagine if aliens really _did _take over the world," Matthew shuddered.

The East German snorted. "I'd rather that happen before our school is bombed."

"Is that supposed to be some joke?" the Canadian glared. "You've heard the rumours-"

"Lighten up some, will you?" Gilbert asked softly. "I have heard the rumours, yes. But not joking about it won't delay it. If anything, this should show you we only live once, and we need to make the most of life while we're here."

"...You're right. I'm sorry," Matthew kissed him softly. "I'm just nervous about it, is all."

"We all are. We can't put life on hold just because our school might blow up. Live life to the fullest, Birdie, okay?"

"...Okay Gil. Je t'aime."

"Ich leibe dich, Mattie."

OOO

Ludwig watched his best friend and boyfriend busy himself with homework, all the while wearing a little smirk on his face.

"Hey, Feli."

"Yes Ludwig?"

"Are you almost done?"

"Almost... and... done!" the Italian finished with a little flourish.

"Good job," Ludwig murmured in his little Italian's ear before kissing him fully and firmly on the mouth.

Once they pulled apart, Feliciano smiled. "Ve~ I missed you a lot, Ludwig. Before we both showed up here."

"I missed you too," the German whispered. "Those monthly visits weren't enough."

"I agree, ve."

"I miss the restaurant too," the blue eyed man smirked.

"Ah, the restaurant," Feli said dreamily.

_Ludwig had been visiting Italy for a few weeks now. It was a really nice place, he decided- the people were nice, the sights were beautiful, and the food was delicious._

_Thinking about food made his stomach growl in hunger, so he decided to stop in a restaurant for lunch. He was seated and equipped with a menu when someone around his age came to take his order._

_"Ve~ I am Feliciano, welcome to my Grandfather's restaurant!" the waiter chirped. "May I take your order?"_

_"Um, I'd like the spaghetti please," the German said in horribly accented Italian. Horrible indeed; Feliciano cringed as if he was about to be hit._

_"Ah! Your Italian is scary!" he cried, making the blonde flush. "If you want, I can help with your Italian! You'll be a pro in no time!"_

_"R- really?" the German seemed surprised by the offer._

_"Si!" Feli bubbled. "But first, let's get your food!"_

_Across the restaurant, Lovino was taking a certain Spaniard's order._

"I miss that place too, ve," Feliciano said sadly. "Let's visit it the next time we're in Italy!"

"Deal."

OOO

"Lovi~ have you finished your homework?" Antonio asked his boyfriend cheerfully, who cringed.

"Yes, Tomato Bastard. It's done."

"Good!" Without warning, the Spaniard tackled the Italian to the bed, pinning him down.

"What- what the hell!"

"Te amo Lovi~!"

"Yeah, yeah, Ti amo, now get off!"

Antonio froze in shock. "Did you just say you love me?"

"Yes. So what?" Lovino crossed his arms and blushed furiously.

"Lovi loves me!" the Spaniard cheered before swooping down to capture his Italian's lips. "He really loves me!"

"Of course I do, Tomato Bastard, now shut up!"

* * *

><p>Please click that 'review' button down there to tell me what you think! :3<p> 


	5. Chapter 5

**If I Should Die Before I Wake**

A/N: Main plot starting... NOW!

**I made a dA for those who are interested. My penname is 'Rochellethefish', and it will mostly be poems and stuff on there. But if you like kinda depressing literature and strange journals, you should visit it ;3

Special thanks to AlwaysTomorrow... I guess :P and a very special thank you to Hoshiko Izumi Okiterasu :3

_Review Replies-_

_Dark Blue Fire: _Yeah... but we have to start the main plot soon, I had to start foreshadowing! :P

_Chipii: _I originally wasn't aiming for fluff, it just... happened XD Yep, that's Lovi for ya ^J^

_LovetheNyah: _FLUFFFFFFFF (*.*)

Disclaimer: I don't Hetalia, dangit -_-'

Warning: homosexual relationships, violence, all that jazz.

* * *

><p>The boys congregated for breakfast the next day, Gilbert and Matthew looking unusually grim.<p>

"What's wrong with you two?" Alfred demanded as soon as they sat down. Arthur, who had been staring at the bags under their eyes and pale skin, nodded in agreement.

"We have some news," Matthew said, sitting down at the table and looking like he was about to cry.

"You impregnated my brother, didn't you! I'LL KILL YOU!" Alfred flew across the table to tackle a surprised Gilbert.

"What... no, Alfred, that isn't even possible," the Canadian insisted, rubbing his temples. "Stop attacking Gil and sit down."

Once the American had seated(but not giving the East German one more punch for good measure) Matthew took a deep breath. "So school violence has been happening more and more lately."

"And, though the teachers have tried to cover it up… There have been rumors that our school is going to be targeted," Gilbert continued.

"...What?" everyone asked at the same time. Alfred surreptiously slipped an arm around Arthur's waist, Antonio's hold on Lovino's hand tightened, Ludwig crushed Feliciano to him protectively, the Asians simply stared at eachother, and Francis looked stunned.

"That's not all," the Canadian was now crying for real. "They have been saying that they're deliberately targeting the President's son and his friends."

"What if…" Alfred breathed, his hold tightening.

"They actually get us?" Kiku asked.

"What do we do, aru?" Yao asked, feeling very uncomfortable about the whole thing.

"We wait, we watch, and we locate the nearest bomb shelter," Gilbert answered. "I think there's one beneath the school. If this is going on when school ends, we need to stay here. Traveling will be dangerous, especially for you," he looked to Arthur. "You are the Prince of America's Allie, after all."

"Right, okay," Arthur murmured, inconspicuously leaning against Alfred. "I'll need to tell my parents."

"Don't worry," Alfred whispered in his ear as the other's slowly returned to eating. "My Dad will take care of this."

Somehow, that didn't make him feel better.

OOO

Slowly but surely, the gang returned to their carefree routines. When Valentine's Day rolled around, they were even able to celebrate with their loved ones.

Francis passed out roses to everyone, of course. When asked who he liked, he simply smirked.

"Ah, mon ami," he sighed, draping an arm around Feliciano's shoulder. "Why limit my affections to one person when I can spread my love to the whole world?"

Needless to say, Ludwig dragged him away.

Alfred presented Arthur with a unicorn plushie and asked for his love. Not as romantic as it sounds, of course. More like "Yo Artie, I bought this for you! Will you be my boyfriend?"

Arthur, still touched, accepted. The group smirked.

It was only a matter of time.

Gilbert presented Matthew with a polar bear plushie he named Kumajirou. Antonio gave Lovino a basket of tomatoes. Ludwig attempted to make pasta. Kiku made a Hello Kitty pillow.

"Yao-chan, can I see you for a moment?" said Japanese asked as the two watched Matthew cuddle Kumajirou, Lovino share a tomato with Antonio, and Feliciano put on a brave face to eat the(slightly burnt) pasta.

"Of course, Kiku," the Chinese followed his roommate out of the cafeteria and to a private nook in the hallway.

"Here, I made this for you," Kiku handed over the wrapped present, slightly blushing.

Slowly, ever so slowly Yao unwrapped the parcel. Once he caught sight of the Hello Kitty pillow, his face lit up. "Kiku, you're the best aru!"

"It was no problem, Yao-chan," the Japanese bowed.

"It's perfect, aru," the Chinese insisted, initiating a kiss with his boyfriend. After a second, the two pulled apart and smiled. "Well, I bought you chocolates, but they're in our room," Yao frowned. "I'll go get those, aru."

"Do you want me to come with you?"

"No no, stay in the cafeteria. I'll be right down, aru."

So Yao headed off towards their dorm, snuggling his pillow and grinning. He never thought he'd have so much Hello Kitty paraphenelia.

Yao was searching for said chocolates when an alarm sounded. He frowned. It wasn't the fire alarm, or the intruder alarm, so it must be...

The Chinese's eyes widened as he realized. He quickly grabbed Kiku's most prized posession, his laptop(it had everything on there- fanfiction, anime, manga) and the box of chocolates and put it in a bag before he situated the pillow under his arm and raced out the door.

OOO

Kiku walked back into the cafeteria, a small smile set upon his face. As he sat down, alarms sounded. Alfred's face snapped up from Arthur's, eyes wide and face pale.

"We need to go. Now," he ordered, pulling Arthur up who just barely grabbed his unicorn plushie. Gilbert did the same to Matthew who gripped Kumajirou so tightly his knuckles turned white. Gilbird chirped and flew from the Canadian's shoulder to nestle in the East German's hair. Lovino grabbed the tomato basket as Antonio grabbed Lovino's waist and Ludwig decided to simply carry Feliciano.

"What's happening, Burger Bastard?" Lovino demanded.

"Those are the bomb alarms for the school. They use those since the school is so big," Alfred muttered, pulling Arthur along towards the bomb shelter underground. The other students were being shepherded by teachers in the same direction they were going.

"Wait," Kiku demanded. "Yao-chan is still in the school!"

Alfred swore. "But it'll be suicide to try to get back there now!"

"I have to get to him," the Japanese insisted. "I'll meet you guys in the bomb shelter, Alfred-san!"

"I'll go with him," Ludwig said, depositing Feli on Lovino. "Watch your brother, will you? Alfred, you're in charge, okay?"

"But Luddy," the Italian whispered as Ludwig kissed his forehead, tears in his eyes. "You'll be killed!"

"I'm going too," Gilbert declared, untangling Gilbird from his hair and setting him on Matthew's shoulder. "Be strong, okay Birdie?"

The Canadian nodded, tears flowing freely down his cheeks as Gilbert gave him one last peck. "Je t'aime, Gil."

"Ich leibe dich, Birdie."

"Ti amo, Luddy!"

"Ich leibe dich, Feli."

With those last sentiments, the two Germans raced into the school after Kiku, ignoring the calls of teachers.

"...Come on," Alfred decided, pulling Arthur along.

"Don't you want to be the hero?" Arthur asked.

"I will be the hero if I get you guys to safety. Now come on, there's a bomb shelter no one knows about."

"What about the others?"

"We'll call them. Come on!"

The group fled into the spacious bomb shelter, two of them crying, hoping, and praying that the others will make it out soon.

The others simply hoped and prayed as the place was swarmed with SWAT members.

OOO

Kiku raced through the school, thinking about which way Yao would take to get to the dorm. As he was thinking of this, a certain Chinese ran straight into him. "Kiku, aru!"

"Yao-chan!" the two embraced quickly. "I thought I wouldn't find you in time..."

"Well here I am, now let's go, aru!"

"What's in the bag?" the Japanese asked curiously as they raced along corridors.

"Your laptop and your present. I know how much you love your laptop, aru..."

"Yao-chan, you shouldn't have risked your life for that..."

"Nonsense, I was in the room anyway- Gilbert, Ludwig!"

"We had to make sure you guys were safe," the two panted. "Come on, Alfred led the others to the bomb shelter."

At that moment, Yao's phone chose to ring.

"Ignore it, Yao-chan."

"I can't! What if it's the others, aru?" he cried as he took out his phone and the walls started to rumble. "Wei Wei!"

"Y!" a familiar American voice sighed in relief. "Put it on speaker, okay?" Once the Chinese complied, Alfred continued. "We're in a seperate bomb shelter from everyone else. Are you in the courtyard yet?"

"Hai," Japan panted as they ran over shaking ground and planes flew overhead.

"Keep going north until you reach the tree you and Yao kissed under."

"Okay Alfred, we're here," Ludwig growled. "Now where too? And hurry!"

"Ho crap! Okay, turn west until you see steel doors in the ground!" The quartet complied. "That's where we are, so hurry!"

"I can't open them," Gilbert grunted as he tried to pull the door open. "Alfred, does this door by any chance require a key?"

"Umm... yes."

"Can you please open the door then, we don't have said key!" Ludwig practically screamed into the phone as the school started to rumble. Gilbert threw himself protectively over his younger brother as Kiku did the same for Yao.

"MATTIE OPEN THE DOOR!" they could hear the American scream over the roar of bombs and the SWAT team evacuating. The door flew open and the Germans rushed inside, followed by the Japanese. The Chinese climbed inside, but before he could fully close the door, something detonated from within the school. Yao was thrown back onto the ground.

He breifly heard the others screaming his name before the blackness claimed him.

* * *

><p>"China! China!" Yao opened his eyes to see he was sitting at a table along with other people he remembered as his classmates. "China, if you are that tired then you can leave!" an angry German voice yelled.<p>

"Who's China, aru?" he asked, to which some of the people snickered.

"Nice one, dude," the boy he recognized as Alfred snickered. Wait... wasn't Alfred in the bomb shelter?

"You are," Arthur snapped. He was in the bomb shelter too... come to think of it, all of the people with the exception of a couple were supposed to be in the bomb shelter.

"I... I am?" he asked. Beside him, Kiku smiled faintly.

"Yes, China-san. You're name is China," he replied. "I'm Japan."

"I'm America!" Alfred struck a "hero pose."

"I'm England," Arthur said pompously.

"I'm the country of l'amour, France," Francis said whimsically, winking at him.

"I'm the awesome Prussia!"

"I'm Canada..."

"I'm North Italy, ve!"

"I'm South Italy, Potsticker Bastard."

"I'm Spain~!"

"I'm Germany."

"And I'm Russia, da." At the sound of the dreadfully familiar voice, Yao snapped up and turned to the man smiling innocently at him. "How come you don't remember, my little sunflower?"

"Wh- What?" he gasped, trying to get away from the man.

"China-san? Aren't you and Russia-san friends?" Kiku asked.

"N- no, don't you remember? He's attacked me because I like boys! And you-" he pointed to the so-called 'Japan,' "You're supposed to be my boyfriend!"

"U- u- um China-san, we are not boyfriends," Japan stammered. "We are merely friends."

"But..." China wanted to cry. He turned to see France, America, and England arguing, Canada trying to speak but everyone ignoring him, Russia "kolkolkol"-ing, Germany and Prussia trying to restore order, and Japan reading a manga quietly.

What was going on here?

* * *

><p>Please click that 'review' button down there to tell me what you think! :3<p>

:


	6. Chapter 6

**If I Should Die Before I Wake**

A/N: I can explain! My computer was littered with viruses because of my brother. So I got a new one! Sorry for the wait :C

Special thanks to AlwaysTomorrow... I guess :P and a very special thank you to Hoshiko Izumi Okiterasu :3

_Review Replies-_

_Dark Blue Fire: _Thank you C:

_Chipii: _Yes, yes he did as a matter of fact. I forgot they were rich and stuff too... in my own story... XD

_LovetheNyah: _WHOOOOO :3

_AlwaysTomorrow: _...-_-'

_Haluwasa2: _I think everyone wants to yay at it ^^;

_Clockeater890: _Thank you, thank you X3

_A.R. OwOv: _Thank you for correcting me ^^; I'm not really good with the different languages, but they must go in here dangit! *determined face*

Disclaimer: I don't Hetalia, dangit -_-'

Warning: homosexual relationships, violence, all that jazz.

* * *

><p>Yao stared at the table. It was another World Meeting, which symbolized a week since he figured out he was a country personified, and frankly, it wasn't going well.<p>

What hurt the most was Kiku's clearly platonic feelings.

What was most terrifying was Ivan's fondness for him.

It was like the Russian's attitude had made a 360. He adored Yao now.

But truthfully, if the Chinese Nation had to choose between Kiku being affectionate with Ivan hating him or Kiku being distant with Ivan's affection, he'd choose the former.

Kiku shot a worried glance at the Nation who raised him. It wasn't like him to be this out of it at World Meetings.

"China-san, do you need to be excused?" he whispered, noticing how the Chinese winced when he said "-san."

"Y- Yeah, aru. I think I'll go home, aru," he announced, interrupting Alfred's ramblings about superheroes helping solve global warming. Everyone looked confused, but nodded as he swiftly walked out the door.

No one noticed Ivan following him.

* * *

><p>Out in the real world, the bombings had stopped for the time being. The gang stumbled across the ruined campus, Yao in Kiku's arms. They ran down the cobbled street to a hospital which had been mercifully saved from the attack. Alfred and Arthur ran into the ER ahead of them, hoping that their status would give them quick access.<p>

It worked.

Soon, Kiku found himself seated by the Chinese in a trauma room as the others milled about in the waiting room. The doctor walked in, a grim expression on his face. The Japanese stood up immediately as if that would give him the news faster.

"Are you the family of Yao Wang?" the doctor asked, eyeing him up and down critically.

"The closest he has in this country," the Asian replied simply.

"Well, it seems we have him stabilized, but... he is comatose. He could wake up in a few hours, days, weeks, years, or never. We hooked him up to an IV to get some fluids in his system and he is now on Life Support."

"Arigato," the Asian said quietly, staring at the Chinese. The doctor laid a hand on his shoulder sympathetically before walking out of the room.

He had other patients to attend to, after all.

"Yao-chan, I am sorry," Kiku whispered. "I'm sorry I didn't get to you in time or that I didn't insist that you climb into the shelter before me. This is my fault. I'm sorry."

After a chaste peck to the lips, Kiku went to inform their friends of Yao's fate.

"What! No, they must have made a mistake," Alfred growled. "I'm sure Y's perfectly fine!"

"So he might not wake up, huh?" Antonio murmured. "Well… at least he won't hurt."

"I want him to wake up!" Feliciano wailed while clutching to Ludwig. "His seafood pasta was good! He was a nice person! He always gave me treats!"

"Well… It can't be helped," Ludwig sighed as he embraced Feliciano.

"I say good riddance, Potsticker Bastard," Lovino mumbled. No one but the Spaniard noticed the hidden sadness in his eyes or the way he tightened his hold on Antonio's hand. The Spaniard in turn brushed a hand through his hair.

"This might be what happens to all of us," Gilbert whispered to Matthew. The two were off in their own little corner, a ways away from the group.

"It won't be," the Canadian replied determinedly. "It just… _can't _be."

"Mon cher Yao might never wake up?" Francis exclaimed. "No! What a shame!"

"Kiku. I am here for you," Arthur whispered as Alfred clung to his waist. "If you need to talk, I'm here."

"Thank you Arthur-san," he replied quietly, turning to go back to the trauma room. There was talk of leading him to a regular room, after all.

* * *

><p>Ivan followed Yao down the hall and back to his hotel, somehow not being noticed along the way. As the Asian Nation unlocked his door, the Russian decided to make his presence noticed.<p>

"Hello sunflower," he greeted cheerfully, making Yao jump in fright.

"Ah, Ni hao Iv- Russia. What are you doing here, aru?" the Chinese asked quietly, proud of himself for hiding the tremble in his voice.

"I just wanted to know why you detest me, da," Ivan replied with a smile.

"Um... no reason, aru," Yao muttered, succeeding in opening his door. "Well, I'll see you later-"

"Aren't you going to invite me in?"

"I'm very tir-"

"_Kolkolkol. Aren't you going to invite me in, sunflower?" _The Russian asked menacingly.

"Come in," the Chinese sighed.

"Da, I thought so," the Russian smirked before plopping down on the couch.

"Oh please, make yourself comfortable, aru," he rolled his eyes as he went to make tea. "Why did you follow me?"

"Because I wanted to make sure you were okay, da. Also, I want to know why you detest me so. Oh, that rhymed!"

"You're a poet and you didn't know it," Yao mumbled before answering his questions. "Yes, I am fine. And if you must know, you terrorized me when we were humans about being gay."

"When we were- sunflower, we were never humans! We're nations!" Ivan laughed. "You must have had a silly dream~ Besides, I'd never terrorize you about liking the boys, da."

"Really?" the Chinese raised his eyebrows.

"Really, you make me pleasure smile!" the large Nation's eyes took on a menacing tint. "Besides, I like boys too~ Well, one boy in particular."

"Who, aru?"

"I'll give you a few hints… he's petite, has long brown hair pulled back into a ponytail, and often ends his sentences with 'aru.'"

"I- I- I don't know who that could be, aru," the terrified Asian Nation started back towards the door, nevermind that it was _his _hotel room. "I just remembered, I have to go visit Japan and- ah!"

"Don't you like me too, sunflower?" Ivan whispered, roughly cupping Yao's cheek and snapping his head towards him. "I like you very much~"

"I- I- I-"

The brunette's stutters were abruptly cut off as the silver haired male smashed his lips to Yao's. Try as he might, the Chinese couldn't push Ivan off and therefore resorted to an ancient Chinese technique- kicking someone in the groin then running like their life depended on it.

"_Kolkolkol. _I will have you, China!" Russia called after him as he doubled over.

Yao, too scared to even look back to see if the large Nation was following him, ran straight into another person.

"China-san, are you okay?" Japan helped up his brother. "What happened?"

"Ki- Japan! Russia just forced himself on me, aru!" telling what happened seemed to make so much more real. Finally, the Chinese did what he wanted to do since appearing here- collapse into his Kiku's arms and cry.

"What?" the Japanese looked stunned. "I thought you two were acquaintances."

"He's scary and I don't like him at all, aru," China exclaimed.

"Is he still at your hotel room?"

"Yes…"

"You can stay with me tonight, if you want, China-san. I don't trust Russia-san…"

"Really? Thank you so much, aru," Yao sighed in relief as the Japanese let him in his room.

Even as a Nation, Kiku would always be there for him.

* * *

><p>Sorry it's so short, it's hard to get back in the groove of this :C Please click that 'review' button down there to tell me what you think! :3<p> 


	7. Chapter 7

**If I Should Die Before I Wake**

A/N: Uh, hi… I'm not dead… heh… I've just been busy EVERYDAY since I last updated.

I think this will only have two to three chapters left including this one, I'm eager to write the end. Hopefully, if I feel really up to it, that shall happen this weekend! :3

I tweaked the plot just a little bit, also, so it can come to the conclusion I have planned… Now they are victims of a school bombing instead of WWIII. I thought it might speak more especially since school violence has been happening more and more… I beg you, whatever religion you are, pray for Sandy Hook Elementary School. If you aren't religious, then please just send some thoughts their way. Twenty six- and seven-year olds and six adults dead…

_Review replies:_

_Angel the Neko- _Is it reality? It might not be… Maybe this whole thing is a dream for Yao… :P Thank you for reviewing! X3

_Clockeater890- _Thank you! So sorry for the long wait L

_Anon- _Thanks so much! :D

Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia, sadly… :I

Warnings: homosexual relationships, violence, yep.

*line*

Yao had been getting used to the idea of being a Nation. In fact, he barely ever thought of himself as Yao anymore and called himself China even in his thoughts. What's more, even though he still yearned for Japan's love and affection, he had slowly been getting used to Russia's…

"Hello, my darling Sunflower," said Nation had said while wrapping his arms around China's waist from behind. "How are you today?"

"For the fifth time Russia, I am good aru," he said drily. His tone didn't hold any of the fear or animosity it had previously held though… it was amused, happy even.

"Ah, I just like hearing you say that you are fine, da," the child-like one replied happily. "My Sunflower should always be happy."

"I am happy… I'm happy here with you," China said as he placed his hands over Russia's. _I hope I never have to wake up…_

_Wait…_

_Wake up?_

With a jolt, China remembered.

_The school… The bombing…_

_Kiku…_

_"Yao-chan, please… wake up."_

_"Yao-chan, I love you…"_

*line*

Kiku sat by Yao's bedside, day and night. No matter how hard anyone tried, they could not get him to budge.

"Hey Keeks… I've brought you some lunch," Alfred appeared and set down a Happy Meal on the bedside table. "Anything new happen?"

"Nope… No changes in his condition… But… they're talking about taking him off life support…" the Japanese whispered. "Thank you for bringing me food though, Alfred-san, that's very kind."

"No problem dude…" Alfred frowned and made himself comfortable in the reclining chair before turning on the television. The media had currently infiltrated every channel with good news and celebration. Apparently the body of the woman who had targeted the gang had finally been found. They found her in a shed with a shovel taken to her head. It was rumored she had done it herself.

The whole country was outraged. The authorities had been aware that the school was under danger, more specifically the President's son and his friends. The country raged even more when they discovered that one of said friends had went into a coma and had yet to come out of it six months later. They were also angry that it had taken this long to find the perpetrator. The President himself was devastated to see the country so angry and to see his son hurting so much.

The question everyone asked was, if they had been able to get into the most prestigious school in the country, then what's to say that other schools could be targeted without a care?

School violence was quickly becoming a big issue and would be something brought up frequently in the next election.

As of now, the victims of the assault were trying to recover. The school had been closed down for a few months for repairs and to dig up any possessions that were in the wreckage. The victims' (one teacher, five students) belongings were buried by their grave or given to the family. Not knowing what else to do, Yao's were given to Kiku. The Chinese's parents couldn't afford to fly out to the States, as much as they hated it. Kiku would just have to act as the immediate relative who called the shots for them.

"So they finally got her," the American commented. "It's about fricking time."

"Mmm," Kiku nodded and fluffed Yao's pillow. His food remained untouched.

"Kiku," Alfred said and leaned forward. The Japanese's head shot up. When was the last time the bubbly American had used his full name? "You need to eat."

"I'm not hungry. I'm saving it for later."

"Starving yourself is not going to bring Yao back."

"I never said it would, that's ridiculous—"

"Neither is beating yourself up. This wasn't your fault."

There was a moment of silence.

"I could have gotten to him quicker, I could have—"

"Save it," Alfred raised a hand. "You did the best you could. And I know for a fact that Yao would chew you out right now if he saw you. He wants you to be happy, Keeks. He loved you enough for that. Don't you love him?"

"Of course I do…"

"Then be happy and live for him."

"…I'm… I'm thinking about taking him off life support…" Kiku whispered almost inaudibly. "Does that make me evil? That I want him to be… to be…"

"No," the blonde cut him off. "If anything, it shows how merciful you are. You're keeping him here for nothing. I honestly don't think he'll wake up. And I know he'd love to finally be at peace."

"You're right… he needs… _peace._"

"Yes. Do me a favor, though."

"What is it?"

"Wait until everyone has had their goodbyes."

*line*

"Er, Sunflower? Are you okay?"

"Huh?" China was brought out of his revelation. "Yeah…. Yeah, just fine…"

"Really? You look like you've seen a ghost."

"I'm fine. I just thought of something, aru," the shorter one shook his head. "Anyways, what were we talking about?"

"Hm… were talking about… Our relationship, da."

"What about it?"

"Well, you were about to agree to become one with me," the Russian grinned.

"I'm not sure aru," China shifted uncomfortably. "I'm not very comfortable with that…"

"Why not, da?"

"Because… Then everyone would think…" he looked around before leaning in. "That we're _together_."

"Maybe that's what I want," Russia said, clearly confused. "Isn't that what you want? I thought you liked me, da."

"I do like you, I do aru. I just… don't want it to be public," the black haired one said, mentally cringing. "We should wait awhile before we make it public."

"But I don't want to wait," the tall Nation replied, his face darkening. "I want _everyone _to know what's mine."

"But—"

"No buts. You are mine, and everyone must know this so they don't think they can make you _theirs._"

"Russia—"

"No. Come. We must make an announcement now," Russia said firmly, grabbing the other Nation forcefully by the waist and dragging him out the door. "The conference is soon. We will announce to everyone then that we have become one."

The Chinese didn't answer, too miserable to reply. It seemed that he would _never _get away from the Russian.

_This wasn't right. _He still wanted _Japan. _He loved the Asian Nation with all he had, and he had no intention of loving another. He liked Russia. He loved Japan.

He tried to convince Russia to rethink his idea on the way to the meeting place, to no avail. The Russian would hear nothing of it. He was nothing if not stubborn. Eventually, the younger Nation gave up. For a country so big geographically, he sure was small personified… Russia hulked over him, both height-wise and strength-wise, leaving him powerless.

Too soon, all too soon they arrived at the meeting place. Russia practically carried him in, too happy to wait even five more minutes. China sighed and allowed himself to be carried, simply too tired to fight it anymore.

*line*

All of the gang gathered around Yao's bed, ready to say their final goodbyes. Kiku had decided to pull the plug after all and let the Chinese be put to rest. Alfred, in his strangely serious mood, had helped him more than he would let on. It was comforting to know his friends supported him the way they did.

"Well, Y, it's been good knowin' ya," Alfred sighed. "I hoped we'd have more wacky adventures, but I guess it wasn't meant to be. I'm gonna miss you and you're awesome cooking."

"Yao, you have been a comfort to me over this year," Arthur started, clearly covering up most of the emotion he was feeling. "I'm going to miss you so much. Without you, I don't think I would have been able to gather up the courage to be with my love, and… just, thank you."

"Erm… I'm not so good at goodbyes," Gilbert started slowly. "But I just wanted to say I'm sorry for calling you a girl and making you faint the first day… Wow, we've come a long way, haven't we? A friend of Birdy's is a friend of mine, and… well, yeah. Not gonna lie, I'm kinda gonna miss that weird 'aru' tic you have…"

"Well Yao, you've been a good friend to me, my brother, and Arthur and I can't thank you enough," Matthew said, tears already springing in his eyes. "You're wonderful. I'm going to miss you."

"Mon cher Yao… I had hoped to get to know you very well this year, ohhonhon—"

"Frog!"

"Sorry, sorry, just trying to put a smile on everyone's face," Francis muttered before clearing his throat and moving on. "You were an amazing addition to this misfit family. Thank you for joining us."

"Yeah, yeah, don't expect me to say much," Lovino started out. "Anyways you were a good friend, I don't regret chasing off those Russians for you years ago, blah blah blah. Thanks for being there."

"Mi querido is just too upset to say anything else," Antonio explained gently. For once, Lovino didn't disagree. "I enjoyed having you around. We didn't exactly talk much, but you were still up for a good conversation every now and then, and you were a good friend to mi amour. So thank you."

"Like my brother, I'm not good at goodbyes," Ludwig said, clearing his throat awkwardly. "But you were very patient and good with Feliciano, so you had—have- my respect. It won't be the same without you."

"Yao!" Feliciano sobbed. "I'm going to miss you so much! I want you to come back, please come back!" There was a moment of awkward silence as Feliciano waited eagerly for the Chinese to jump out of bed and yell "surprise!" When that didn't happen, he sobbed harder. "I miss you so much…"

"Can I… Can I have a moment alone?" Kiku asked quietly. Everyone complied with murmured apologies and gentle pats on the back.

"Where to begin? You were the first one to accept me. Even my Japanese friends called me weird. You reached out to me and I eagerly took your hand. I didn't know how to have a friend, and when the others joined into our little circle, I didn't know how to respond. But I thank you for being my friend, for reaching out to me and bringing me into our circle. It means so, so much.

"You were—are—also my first love. I didn't know what was happening at first, I didn't understand why I had butterflies. I had to talk it over with Alfred-san and he explained to me what love is, and at first I was in denial. But eventually I knew. I love you, Yao-chan. And I always will. This is why I'm doing this; because I love you and I want you to have peace. Thank you for everything."

*line*

Short and to the point… I have decided there will be one more chapter left! There _might _be an epilogue… I'll tell you what I have decided next chapter.


	8. Chapter 8

**If I Should Die Before I Wake**

A/N: I'm sorry I made everyone cry and then left with this cliffhanger… I didn't mean to T.T Here, have a tomato, it's from Roma's stash! But shhh, don't tell him!

On the bright side, I graduated :3

Last chapter! I'm **finally **getting it out! It'll probably be short! And also there's a plot twist headed your way!

_Review replies:_

_Chin-Mae or Cryers-Chan 3- _I'm sorry! I'm sorry! T.T Have some of America's fries!

_Angel the Neko- _I'm so sorry! You've been so sweet and so faithful reviewing and I made you wait so long! Have a sunflower! I hope you enjoy this chapter!

_MeiMeiaru8-_ Yeah… I kinda wished he would too, and it's MY story… :I Have some maple syrup :3

_bunniesareninjas- _*pats back* it's okay to let it out. Yao has agreed to let you pet Mr. Panda until you feel better, because technically, it's his fault :P

_me- _ I'm continuing now! ^^ I would either say I'm sorry or reassure you, but… it would ruin it :I Instead, have a rose!

Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia, sadly… :I

Warnings: homosexual relationships, violence, yep.

* * *

><p>Yao was dead. Completely and totally dead. There was no Yao, there was no China.<p>

Just emptiness.

The funeral was short. A majority of the school showed up for the viewing to pay their respects, but then left the actual funeral to the close friends.

Nobody cried. The teachers didn't know what was more disturbing, this group of boy's completely empty faces or if they had all collapsed into a puddle of tears and snot.

They were all stoic, even Feliciano.

They all wanted it over with, and they wanted a new beginning.

* * *

><p><em>Dear Yao,<em>

_I guess it's the three year anniversary, huh? We all miss you. Some of us more than the others._

_I… I know you won't be able to read this. But I felt like you needed to be told anyways. Even if I am just writing to a stupid grave._

_Kiku's dead, Yao. He's dead. Has been for a few years. We found him, in the middle of the road, completely covered in blood. Turns out he was hit by a truck. We have reason to believe it was Ivan._

_But the authorities gave up searching months ago and declared the case dead._

_We also have reason to believe… Well… that Ivan didn't _mean _too. We… We think Kiku might have jumped out in front of the truck._

_Then again, this is completely theoretical. All we have to go off of is Ivan's pale disposition and the miniscule smile Kiku sported when we found him. He had also been more distant than usual a few days before it happened._

_It was like he had found peace._

_Though it is very unlike Kiku to do something like this, don't you agree? Alas, we'll never know._

…_We miss you two so much, Yao. Alfred, especially, took Kiku's death hard. As you know, those two were very close, playing video games and eating onigiri and discussing personal things together. I doubt Alfred will ever be the same._

_Of course, Feliciano has not fared much better. They both stopped eating. And oh God, Yao, they're so pale. They're so quiet. They're not them, anymore. Not the loud, vibrant, cheerful gluttons we all knew and loved._

_Arthur and Ludwig have no idea what to do. They sit there, staring at their other halves, because they simply cannot do anything else. They've tried. _

_And they've just been pushed away._

_It leads me to think, if Kiku had intentionally done this, then why? He knew the extent of the relationships he shared with them and he _still _dared to do this to them. _

_It makes me hate him, just a little._

_We're all about to graduate. We have no idea what the future holds for us. Gilbert and I are going to go to Canada then Germany. We are going to try to recover from all of this and make lives for ourselves. Lovino and Antonio are going to move to Italy. Ludwig and Feliciano are going with them; we all think the sunshine will be good for the once-cheerful Italian. If not, well… They have already looked into mental wards as an alternative._

_Arthur has skipped the sunshine phase entirely and is preparing for Alfred to move in to a mental ward a month after we graduate. I don't know when or if I'll be able to see him again._

_I don't know if I could handle it._

_He was—is—my twin brother, Yao. And to see him hurt so badly makes me hate Kiku, just a little more. _

_As for Francis, he's going to stay with Arthur and Alfred. He has managed to find a job as a chef at a fancy restaurant. He's going to try to support the blonde duo as best as he can._

_We're all splitting up, but maybe it's for the better. Maybe we all need to forget this ever happened. We all need to heal and move forward, into the sunshine and out of the storm._

_So maybe, when we find each other again one day like I _know _we will, we'll all love each other a little more and hate each other a little less._

_I miss you, Yao. We all do._

_Some more than the others._

_Matthew Williams_

Matthew deposited the letter in front of the tombstone and sighed before turning to the grave beside it.

"I'm going to try to come back one day," he said quietly, his voice carried away by the wind. "And when I do, I'm going to try to love you a little more and hate you a little less for what you've done to my family.

"Then again… Maybe it's not your fault. Maybe you were hit on purpose. Maybe I'm grasping at the possibility that you jumped in front of the truck because it would give me something tangible to take it out on, instead of the fictitious perpetrator. If so, then I'm sorry. But I just can't bring myself to hate my brother and Feli for what they're doing to themselves. I can't bring myself to hate Yap because we _know _he was a victim. But the idea that you did this purposely is what messed up Feli and Al so bad, and I _can _bring myself to hate you because of that. I can hate you a little.

"One day, though, Kiku, I'm going to stop hating you and start loving you. I'm going to love you and Yao so hard and what you two once were and I'm going to cry, I'm going to cry so hard it will fill like my head is about to burst, then Gilbert will hug me and I'll know. I'll know it's time for me to heal and move forward.

"That's when I'll come back. And I'll leave a letter at your tombstone apologizing for unjustly blaming you. But this is not the time to do that," Matthew shook his head. "I'm still angry. I'm still so angry and I need someone to take it out on. You're just the scapegoat, you and your corpse and the smile you wore when you finally found peace. And maybe I'm just the teensy bit jealous, too. That you're able to find peace but my twin, the _other half of me, _and an innocent Italian had peace taken away from them, and they have to seek professional help because you made one little decision to end it all. Neither I nor anybody else is able to find peace because you decided to steal it from us. That is one thing I'll never forgive you for, Kiku, even if it's not your fault."

Matthew shook his head and turned towards his car, where his German was waiting for him with a small smile. "How was it?"

"It was fine," Matthew said neutrally. "I'm ready to go. To start my life with you."

"Even with Al…?"

"_Especially _with Al. He has Arthur and Francis. He doesn't need me."

"Ich leibe dich Birdie," Gilbert murmured, kissing the top of the blonde's head. "One day we'll be truly happy."

"One day," the violet-eyed one whispered.

_But not today._

* * *

><p>"It's been fifteen years, huh?" Gilbert murmured as he scanned over the letter from his brother. It detailed the usual; his job as a CEO of a brewery, subtle gushing of Lovino's and Antonio's adopted daughter, and Feliciano's progress.<p>

"Huh, Feli's leaving the ward in a few weeks… I bet Birdie would like to know," the albino grinned as he turned to walk into his partner's study. "Hey, Birdie—"

And Matthew looked up, tears leaking from his pretty violet eyes. "Gil," he croaked. "We have to go back."

Gilbert immediately embraced his petite little blonde. "What do you mean, Birdie?" he inquired gently, rubbing Matthew's back.

"We have to go back," Matthew sobbed into the albino's neck. "I... I have to tell him I forgive him. I forgive Kiku. Please Gil, let's go back…"

"Of course," the silver-haired one smiled gently. "Start packing. I'll start looking for apartments and airplane flights."

OOO

The two ended up in New York, across the hall from Arthur's and Francis' apartment. There, Arthur delightedly informed Matthew of Alfred's impending release from the hospital. He was to move in to the apartment later that week. Matthew smiled and hugged Arthur then attended to his own home.

Before they had fully moved in, however, Matthew had convinced Gilbert to make the trip down to D.C.

To the graves.

"I forgive you," he said simply to Kiku's grave. "I forgive you for everything. I hope you have found peace, because I finally have as well."

And when they heard of a letter found tucked deep into the drawer of Kiku's room a few weeks later, Matthew didn't even flinch.

He simply forgave.

* * *

><p><em>I had wished I would go in my sleep like Yao-chan, but I have no luck. I am so very sorry.<em>

_If I should die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take._

_-Kiku_

* * *

><p>Long story short, Yao died. China was a dreammmmmmmmmm.<p>

I certainly hope you all have enjoyed this journey as much as I have, because it has been labourous but worth it! Thank you to all who has reviewed, alerted, and favourited, you have no idea what it means to me! I love you all!

Until next time, happy writing!

~DreamsComeFromtheHeart


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